Reality shock

I just read a comment on a website somewhere that brought this up, and thought I'd post my thoughts here, so people I know can hear them, not just some random strangers on the reddit comments section.

The original comment I read was:

I'm 27 years old, and I've discovered that pretty much everything I've ever been taught about anything, is bullshit. Religion, school, government, food, banks, all false institutions. Even among friends, lying seems commonplace. Does anyone tell the truth? Does such a thing as integrity exist?

It occurred to me, I had similar feelings when I was 27. A 31-year old friend of mine was consoling me about nearing 30, and said all those scary life changes you think of happening when you're 30, actually happen at 27.

I think it's a transitional age for a lot of us in this culture. It's when you're finally far enough out of the rigorous institutions we put our youth through to realize it's all bullshit. We all make our own rules. 13 years of public school, which is separated into quarters, 5 days a week, with set holidays, set class schedules, set intellectual-brackets (are you an "A" student, or a "D" student?). You will eat between 11:35am and 12:05pm, with a 3 minute break for rest room and then on to social studies for 45 minutes. After that of course is university, and the ol 9-5.

Doctors? As a youth, you assume they are experts in their field. Godly, magical perhaps, you don't know how or why they know how to cure you, but they do and that's that.

Teachers know everything, and everyone has a true love, whom they will marry and spend their life with.

The truth is, life is much more open than that. Who says you have to work M-F, 9-5? Who says you need to go to church every Sunday morning?

Do the things that enrich your life. Do the things that enrich other people's lives. Have respect for yourself, others, and the world around you. If you want to learn something, learn it. If you want a change, act towards it. The rules of the world are not made by institutions, but in our own hearts.

Some sweet upcoming new game concepts

I just came across a few videos of experimental game concepts coming to market (hopefully). 

First, The Unfinished Swan. I really like how the game gives me a sense of wandering around in the dark, but with pure white.

The Unfinished Swan - Tech Demo 9/2008 from Ian Dallas on Vimeo.

 

Achron, which absolutely blew me away. I have a soft spot for time travel and alternate time lines. A RTS (real time strategy) game that utilizes time travel to alter time lines sounds amazing.

 

I also have a soft spot for platformers, such as LittleBigPlanet and of course Mario.  In this game, you play a shadow figure and must manipulate light sources and objects in a 3d world to modify the shadows on the wall that you navigate to reach a goal.

Some Cool statues from around the world

I like to post random stuff, what can I say?

I recently learned about a couple statues from around the world, the currently-tallest and formerly-tallest, and thought I would share, since they are widely unknown in the west.

For reference, The Statue of Liberty stands 151 feet tall, 305 if you include the base.

 

Then there’s The Motherland Calls, located in Volgograd, Russia. It stands 279 feet tall, including a 108 ft sword. And nipples the size of your head.

I think it is probably the most awesome statue in the world.

 

Last, but certainly not least, is apparently the tallest statue in the world currently.  So unknown, I don’t even know what it’s called or have any references to back up my claims. As far as I can tell, it is identified only by these Chinese symbols: 鲁山 佛

There’s the google Images search, though.

My, the world sure is full of things!

Preacher Man

It happened some years ago, on a day not unlike today. A down day, sitting in my cubicle, perusing the web for something to occupy my mind while the clock ticks down 8 hours. One of those days where your heart is weighed down by nothing and everything at the same time. Something feels wrong about life, but you can’t quite place it.

Somehow, I came across the blog of a preacher. A Baptist preacher of all things. In south Texas.  I wish I knew what brought me there, or what the first thing I read was, but like today I remember the effect he had on me that day.

You see, religion and I don’t really get along. I’ve wanted to believe at times. I’ve tried to go to church, to learn their ways. But it just never felt right to me.

But this man. He’s different. He doesn’t tell people how to live life, or quote scripture. He doesn’t shake my hand on the way out and give me the same tired hollow smile the last 200 people got. He’s faceless, just words straight from his heart to my eyes.

He writes from deep inside his heart. Sometimes about how his job drains him, how he squeezes every last drop of love and emotion from himself and gives it to his congregation and comes home empty.  Sometimes it’s about his internal battle trying to consolidate the mystical primitive moonlit world before sunrise with the real adult world, understood by physics and mathematics. Sometimes it’s about the son he always wanted and never got.

So I don’t go to church on Sundays. I don’t read any holy scriptures. But on days when I feel down, I sit at my desk, find a story in his archives, and have my own private modern “sermon.”  It always fills my heart with life again.

For now, that’s as close to religion as I’ll come, and I’m quite happy with it.

Debt reduction & Savings with micropayments

Just wanted to get this on "paper" so to speak.

I think most people, certainly myself, treat debt reduction and savings as a monthly payment system. You save some percentage of your paycheck (or none, assuming you'll just save "what's left over"), or you make 1 payment to your credit card/student loan/mortgage every month.

The downside of this is that we tend to nickle-and-dime ourselves throughout the month, resulting in very little free money at the end of the month to put in savings. It's hard to decide every single day to pack a lunch instead of eating out, or to have water with a dinner instead of a $3 drink, with no reward for your sacrifice.

So, give yourself a reward. If you're not managing your money online by now, you should be. And with online management, comes the ease of making a payment of any size in about 2 minutes.

I propose that every time you are faced with a frivolity purchase, make the decision to instead go log in to your bank or credit card site, and transfer that same dollar amount into savings or a payment.

Think it won't add up? The average month contains roughly 20 work days. I'd say I stop by the vending machine 3 out of every 4 days. That's $15/month I could be saving. $180/year. I don't even want to add up what a $5 fast food lunch costs every day.

Forming emotions

I just had somewhat of a revelation. It may be common sense to most people, but I am a thinker more than a feeler these days, and the way emotions work is at times pretty confusing. There are plenty of times I feel something I don't want to; or there is a feeling absent that should be present.

But you can't will emotions to come and go as you please. They aren't light switches, they're not binary. They don't even exist on a linear scale.

Emotions are like water. It doesn't choose where to go. It doesn't care where it goes. It goes where the path takes it. The events in our lives, the things we choose to do and the things that happen to us, are the rocks and river banks that shape our emotions.

There are a few points I'm trying to make with this. One is that sometimes the emotions get too strong and break through a dam or river bank, and change the events in your life.

The other is that when our emotions are off the path we want, you can't will them back in to place. You have to shape your life, with real events, people and actions.

A message from the past

So, for 2 years now, I've been using FutureMe.org to send annual emails to my future-self. The first arrived in September 2007, and the second arrived yesterday. I thought it would be fun to share what October-2007 AJ had to say to October-2008 AJ.

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Friday, October 12, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The last time I sent a message to the future, I took the approach of reminding myself what life was like a year ago. The message should still be in gmail, go read it. It arrived 9/20/07.

This time, I suppose I will do the same. I'm at another crossroads in life. Everything has changed in the course of a few weeks. Erin left on 9/24. I spent a week in turmoil, trying to get her back, and then settled into acceptance. It's pretty much over.

Yesterday was a day to remember.

I found out my contract at HP expires 11/18 and they can't renew it. So I currently have about a month to find a new job. Stressful. I wish you could tell me how that turns out.

When I got home after that, I found Erin and Squeak moving out the last of her furniture. It was hard seeing her. We talked a little, and hugged. Everything has been concluded now. I sold her the ring for ($xxxx) earlier this week and bought a lens with the money. Her furniture is out. I doubt I'll see her again for a very long time, if ever.

So this is what life is like in October 2007. All the "old" is out, and I'm on the search for the "new". I'm excited at the prospect of first kisses, the excitement and electricity, and nervousness. And I am hopeful that I can find a rewarding job, and maybe even make a bit more money. I hope things turn out. By the time I'm reading this, I can't imagine what I'll be thinking looking back on these days.

I also hope you enjoyed Hawaii. I guess I have that over you - I still get to go there. Hope life is treating me well.

Well, obviously this time a year ago, my life was changing quite a bit, and I was pretty stressed about the outcome. I posted previously about how my year has gone, and I think it's pretty interesting how the 2 compare.

I'm still single, but have dated quite a bit, to the point where I realize first kisses aren't always amazing. There's a lot of people out there, and I'm just not romantically interested in 99% of them, which makes the search fun and frustrating, but the right girl that much more special.

The job thing worked out fine, and I'm even considering making another change in that area.

I just found out yesterday that Erin is engaged to the guy she left me for. Jess also got engaged a couple months ago, also to the guy she met after me. My life seems to be Good Luck Chuck.

Hawaii was awesome, and I am totally jealous of my previous self for getting to go. On the other hand, he doesn't have the satisfaction of having climbed a 14,270ft mountain. Also, he's still driving that old '92 toyota and I have had my nice Frontier for 9 months!

I think I'm going to send off another email, due back in 2009. This is a pretty fun way to archive life.

2008 So far

I have been thinking recently about this year. It seems to have flown by. Here's a quick list of things I have experienced over the last 12 months (part of 2007 as well), and 2008.

2007
Relationship with Erin ended
Job with HP ended
Got new job at Synergetics
Halloween in Denver with Mike and Sara. Went as Waldo
In December made first attempt at dating again
Campaigned hard for Ron Paul. Sign waving in old town, neighborhood canvasing, went to a Rally. Hope for America.

2008
10 day cruise in Hawaii with family (17 people total!)
Bought new truck (2008 Nissan Frontier LE)
Went to my first Caucus, Feb 5, Super Tuesday. Got elected as an alternate delegate for county.
Ron Paul didn't win any counties in CO, or any states nationwide. Sad.
Sold old truck (92 Toyota pickup I'd been driving since I was 16)
Played tons of Guitar Hero 3
Sold Motorcycle (2005 Kawasaki Ninja ZX-6R)
Picked up Golf
Did my brother's and his girlfriend's graduation photos
Bought a PS3
Went to Las Vegas
Sold a bunch of random crap sitting around
Photographed a wedding
Hiked every weekend for 2 months.

• Deserted Village
• Gray's Peak (almost)
• Crosier Mountain
• Gray Rock
• Round Mountain
• Gray's Peak (victory! 14,270 ft)
• 3 day camping trip to Great Sand Dunes National Park
• (some others probably... who knows)

Within one week, almost lost my job and my apartment. Managed to keep both.
Went to my first Envision: Young Professionals meeting.
Went to the 2008 Tour De Fat bicycle parade.
Paid off my the remainder of my student loan with the motorcycle money and some savings.
Over the year took out at least 8 people that went no where.

And the year's not over yet...

"You Are" = You're

For a few years this has been grating on me. Why do so many people get this wrong. Is it laziness? Ignorance? I've talked to enough people across the continent online to notice it's semi regional too. I know almost zero Canadians who use you're, opting to always use your instead. Does this mean their school system doesn't teach this? Or maybe it's a result of an accent or pronunciation. Maybe they verbalize both as "Yor", while down south we say "You're" and "Yor" (spelled that way to help illustration pronunciation).

• You're is a contraction for "You are." Just like Can't, Don't, Shouldn't are all contractions of can not, do not, and should not. Example sentence: You're much more likely to be respected when using proper grammar.
  
• Your is the possessive form of "you." Just liks his/him, hers/her. Example sentence: Your misuse of this word drives me insane!

Ironically, 99% of the time I see "your" used improperly, it's in the sentence "Your an idiot", when the writer is belittling someone else on their false logic, or poor spelling, grammar, ideals, or something else.

Some introspection on recent hikes

So, that nasty Gray's Peak hike I wrote about a while ago? I've hiked quite a bit since then, some with Tim and Heather, some with just Heather. Some longer distances, some higher and lower altitudes.

3 or 4 weeks ago, Heather and I hiked Gray's peak again. We made it to the top, it was fantastic. I took tons of pictures. It was truly an epic victory. I fully intended to write about it, because it is a damn good story.

But I just can't. I've already gotten out of the experience everything that I needed, and internally, writing about it adds nothing for me at this point. So instead of writing about it, I thought I'd write about writing about it.

I guess when I started the hiking, I didn't realize it, but I was using the mountains to push my own boundaries and conquer my own limitations. There were some easy hikes, but they were just for fun. Most of the hikes had an unusual challenge of some sort: descending in pitch black after sunset; almost getting hit by lightning (this happened often it seems); being hailed on. And each time, I refused to accept defeat. I pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do, and I left another part of me behind that says "I can't do that" when facing a challenge.

But I feel like I've reached the limitations of these adventures. With Gray's Peak, I did what it took, and I won. And then the week after I camped for 3 days and 3 nights with Tim & Heather at the sand dunes, and again almost got hit by lightning, and got hailed on.

My point is, the last 2 trips were far more epic than our first attempt at Gray's, but I don't feel any different after them. They're just things I did. They were challenging, but not internally.

They were closure.